For a long time after my dad died, I tried to control everything. If I could plan, predict, and prepare, maybe nothing else bad would happen. It made sense - my body was still wired for danger. But when things did go wrong (as they inevitably do),
For a long time after my dad died, I tried to control everything. If I could plan, predict, and prepare, maybe nothing else bad would happen. It made sense - my body was still wired for danger. But when things did go wrong (as they inevitably do), it hurt even more. Because I had believed that control would keep me safe and it couldn’t. That’s what trauma does: it teaches your nervous system that safety depends on vigilance. The amygdala stays on high alert, the body tenses, and uncertainty feels unbearable. Control becomes the illusion of safety. What actually brings healing isn’t more control, it’s processing what’s happened so your body can register that the danger is over. It’s learning to live in the grey, where things can be uncertain and still be okay. Therapies like EMDR help the brain and body update that old survival map, so you can respond to life rather than brace against it. Safety isn’t about everything going right - it’s about knowing you can handle it when it doesn’t. #trauma #complextrauma #control #emdr #releasecontrol
You’re not scared of love - you’re scared of what might happen after love. For many trauma survivors, connection isn’t the problem. It’s the fear that once someone truly sees you: your needs, your fears, your emotions, they&r
You’re not scared of love - you’re scared of what might happen after love. For many trauma survivors, connection isn’t the problem. It’s the fear that once someone truly sees you: your needs, your fears, your emotions, they’ll leave. That fear often comes from early experiences where love was conditional, inconsistent, or withdrawn when you showed distress. So even as an adult, you might long for closeness but also feel unsafe when you have it. You might pull back, overthink, or self-sabotage, not because you don’t care, but because your nervous system is bracing for loss. Healing means learning that safety doesn’t come from avoiding intimacy, it comes from allowing yourself to be seen and supported in the moments that once felt dangerous. ✨ If this resonates, you’re not alone - this is exactly the work trauma therapy and EMDR help with. If you want to know more then download my free trauma guide (link in bio). #trauma #complextrauma #emdr #childhoodtrauma #traumarecovery
When you grow up in a family where you had to be the responsible one: the peacemaker, the emotional support, the “little adult” - your nervous system learns that being needed is the safest place to be. You don’t learn to cry and be comforted. You learn to soothe others. You don’t learn to depend on anyone. You learn to be the dependable one. To be ‘highly independent’ So as an adult, asking for help feels foreign, maybe even unsafe. You might minimise your struggles, push through exhaustion, and pride yourself on independence, not realising it’s rooted in unmet needs from childhood. Healing doesn’t just mean letting others support you - it’s learning to trust yourself to recognise when you need help and to ask for it. To believe your needs are valid and will be met. You can relearn that safety. You can rebuild that trust. 🩵 Save this if you’re learning to let others show up for you. #trauma #traumarecovery #traumahealing #innerchildwork #emdr
For a long time after my dad died, I tried to control everything. If I could plan, predict, and prepare, maybe nothing else bad would happen. It made sense - my body was still wired for danger. But when things did go wrong (as they inevitably do), You’re not scared of love - you’re scared of what might happen after love. For many trauma survivors, connection isn’t the problem. It’s the fear that once someone truly sees you: your needs, your fears, your emotions, they&r
When you grow up in a family where you had to be the responsible one: the peacemaker, the emotional support, the “little adult” - your nervous system learns that being needed is the safest place to be. You don’t learn to cry and be