If you celebrate Christmas and have lost someone, this time of year can be particularly difficult.
For some people, dates hold very little meaning.
For others, certain times of year, especially Christmas, can feel painful, heavy, or overwhelming.
This is my sixth Christmas since my dad died.
It feels very different to years one and two, but I still notice a quiet sadness - that he isn’t on my Christmas shopping list, among the people to visit, or someone to have a glass of bubbles with.
Christmas is also a reflective time of year. You’re allowed to feel miserable if that’s what shows up.
And equally, if you find moments of happiness and then feel you shouldn’t because of grief, that’s ok too.
Grief doesn’t follow rules. And there’s no correct way to feel at Christmas.
If Christmas feels complicated for you, you’re not doing it wrong.
#grief #trauma #complextrauma #griefjourney #griefsupport
Many trauma survivors learn to cope very early.
Coping is adaptive. It keeps you functioning. And helps you survive what couldn’t be changed at the time. Maybe it was your only option then.
But coping isn’t the same as healing.
Healing isn’t about “doing better” or managing yourself more effectively. It’s about changing what your nervous system learned to expect - about threat, connection, and safety.
That’s why healing can feel unfamiliar, destabilising, or even harder at first. When coping strategies soften, the system often feels more before it feels freer.
If you’re coping well but still feel tired, stuck, or quietly unfulfilled, that doesn’t mean you’re failing or doing therapy wrong. It may simply mean your system is ready for something different, something that allows more choice, flexibility, and aliveness.
Go gently with yourself here. Coping helped you survive.
Healing is allowed to unfold slowly.
Save this if it resonates 🤍
#trauma #complextrauma #traumahealing #traumarecovery #traumatherapy
You can love deeply and still struggle with closeness.
You can want connection and feel your body tense when it arrives.
For many trauma survivors, intimacy isn’t just emotional, it’s actually physiological. Letting someone in can activate old threat responses long before your conscious mind catches up.
This isn’t ambivalence. It isn’t commitment issues.
And it isn’t a lack of love.
It’s a nervous system that learned closeness wasn’t always safe.
Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to “open up more.”
It’s about helping your body learn that connection can exist without danger.
If this resonates, you’re not broken — you’re responding exactly as you were shaped to.
✨ I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.
#trauma #traumahealing #traumarecovery #relationshjps #relationshiptrauma
